Ivy (ivy_rat) wrote,

I'm gone

I know I've been absent a lot recently. I'm sorry. Sadly (for me, anyway) that's not going to change anytime soon.

I've spent the last six months 100% engrossed in politics. All of my free time was spent listening to podcasts, reading articles, or watching the news. I figured, when the election was over I'd be back to normal. I could sleep again. Life would be good.

I was wrong. My worst nightmares came true, and I honestly can't cope.

On election night I had a panic attack so bad that a friend gave me a Xanax to calm me down. I have stayed completely away from almost all media since then.

I know there are probably some good people who voted for him (I can't even bring myself to say his name anymore), but I am not yet able to forgive them. I do not understand why anyone would vote for the least experienced person to ever run for president over the most experienced. The only reasons I can conceive is that they couldn't handle a woman as a leader, or they are as racist, sexist, homophobic, misogynistic as the leaders they have voted for.

This directly affects my family, since my children fall into numerous categories that he has insulted and offended.

I love Hillary. I wanted her to win. Not because she wasn't him, but because she truly cared about everything that is important to me. I resent Wikileaks, Russia, the FBI, and the electoral college for the parts they played in her defeat. The only thing getting me out of bed these days is the fact that Hillary actually won; she had over a million more votes than he did. She should be our president.

See. I'm way too emotionally compromised. Until I can cope with the world as it is, I need to ignore it.

And I'm busy. Today, Scott, Bucky, and I drove to San Francisco again. Scott will be spending the next three days at Google's Tiltbrush as an Artist in Residence and I will be hanging with Bucky, ignoring the world. (Oh, right, GameNight gang: no GN on this Friday).

When we get back home, I'll be actually busy! I'm stage managing the YAE (Young Artist Ensemble)'s CTFE (Conejo Theater For Everyone) production of Little Mermaid! I can count on the next few months being busy enough to keep my mind occupied.

But I don't think I can be online for a bit. Not until I don't start hyperventilating whenever I think of all the horrors the next four years might bring. When I can breathe again, I'll figure out what I can do to help the cause. Maybe I'll volunteer somewhere. For now, however, I'm gone.

I will still get my mail and check comments on things I've posted. So I'm still very much reachable. And if you write, I WILL answer! Who knows, maybe I'll get up the energy to write up this trip; it's only Day One and we've already had a surprise Craig Thompson encounter and a panic call home because I stupidly forgot to bring my meds on the trip!

It promises to be an interesting few days, though, without my anti-depressants we'll see what kind of shape I'll be in.

So, yeah. I'm here if you want me, but I'm not gonna be reading anything for fear of having yet another panic attack. It's not you, it's me, honest! I do care. Just right now, I care a little too much. So for my sanity, and health I won't be looking. But you can find me and talk to me. I miss you all. We'll get through this.

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